


not sold separately

by hachimitsuto



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor, Lists, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 04:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hachimitsuto/pseuds/hachimitsuto
Summary: 5 unconventional couple items for their unconventional relationship.





	not sold separately

**Author's Note:**

> um @ friends please don't look at me

1\. Dictionary  
  
It was Jaemin who brought it home. Home being a one bedroom apartment too small to fit all of them. It being four copies of the same Chinese-Korean dictionary.  
  
“Why do we need four copies of the exact same dictionary when we live in the same house?” asked Jeno, eyeing the dictionaries on their tiny coffee table where Jaemin placed them like it was his first time seeing a book. On the other hand, Donghyuck wouldn’t even come close.  
  
“Am I the only person who feels threatened whenever Renjun hangs out with Sicheng hyung or Hendery, or both at the same time? I have strong gut feelings, and it’s telling me that they have been talking about us,” Jaemin reasoned, then turned to Renjun. “By the way, I know my Chinese name, so I could tell if I’m being mentioned in the conversation.”  
  
Renjun, who was lying on the couch and taking up the whole space while Donghyuck and Jeno sat on the floor, scoffed but said nothing and quickly returned his focus to his phone with a smirk tugging on his lips. The way he was typing away so rapidly made Jaemin nervous.  
  
“Why did you think getting not one, but four Chinese dictionaries would solve the problem?” Donghyuck finally scooted closer, but still maintained a good distance.  
  
“Well, you gotta start somewhere?” Jaemin shrugged. “I’m thoughtful enough to get a copy for each of you, and you ungrateful bastards wouldn’t even say thanks. I even got Jisung to give me his staff discount!”  
  
“Well we didn’t ask?” Donghyuck shot back.  
  
Jaemin looked like he was about to ram the 400-page book on Donghyuck’s head when Jeno interfered. “Wouldn’t a dictionary app be easier? I use it to translate whenever Kun hyung posts on Weibo.”  
  
Donghyuck blinked. “He posts everyday.”  
  
“Exactly. Single-handedly improved my Chinese. More than Renjun ever did.”  
  
“All Renjun’s ever taught me were bad words.”  
  
“_You_ wanted me to teach you the bad words,” Renjun protested loudly, though no one paid him any attention.  
  
The TV was blaring in the background and no one bothered to turn it down or off, and Jaemin was pretty sure the AC in the bedroom was on. He gave them a long lecture about saving energy once. They probably didn’t pay him any attention either then. “Fine,” he said. “If no one wants the dictionary, I’ll just take them back.”  
  
“Hey, I never said anything,” Renjun said, getting up from the couch. “And you should’ve told me about wanting to learn Chinese. I could’ve taught you personally.”  
  
Jaemin raised his brows. “You would?”  
  
“Of course,” Renjun said, a teasing smile tugging on the corner of his lips as he took a copy of the dictionary. Jaemin knew what that meant too well.  
  
“Would you teach me too?” Jeno asked at the same time as Donghyuck asked “What about me?”  
  
“Unfortunately there’s a limited seat, and it’s already reserved for me,” Jaemin answered instead, grabbing all the remaining copies before the two could snatch any of them. “Hah! Adios, losers. Or should I say, _zaijian_.”  
  
  
  
  
  
2\. Chenle’s album  
  
“Before any of you can protest, no, it’s not on Melon or Spotify. Or Genie Music,” Renjun clarified before any of them could open their mouth.  
  
Donghyuck frowned at the _signed_ album Renjun just threw onto his lap. “But we don’t even own a CD player?”  
  
None of their laptops could play CD either. At least, Jaemin’s ancient Pro used to, until the unfortunate incident when Donghyuck played a pirated Pride and Prejudice DVD on it because he had an essay on the novel due in several hours. What made it worse was that the movie that played wasn’t even Pride and Prejudice, but Pride and Prejudice _and Zombies_, and it stopped running not even 10 minutes in and ruined Jaemin’s notebook forever.  
  
Jaemin made sure to periodically remind Donghyuck of the tragedy at least once every month.  
  
“Chenle doesn’t have to know we never listened to it.” Renjun shrugged. It seemed doable enough, except Chenle always found out somehow if any of them hadn’t listened to his songs.  
  
“I still can’t believe that you and Chenle know each other. That kid is like a superstar. I thought China’s a huge country?” Jaemin says. He had a point. Chenle’s recent concert sold out faster than Jaemin could pronounce his name right (“That was one time!), but sometimes they would come home and find Chenle cooking ramyun in their kitchen like he’s just a kid from the neighbourhood.  
  
“China may be huge, but it’s a small world. And hotpot brings people even closer,” Renjun replied, showing them his own signed copy. They could barely make out the word ‘hotpot’ from Chenle’s unintelligible handwriting. Guess Jaemin’s dictionary did help, after all.  
  
“Can’t we just listen on YouTube? I’m sure someone would upload the whole album,” Jeno suggested.  
  
“Jeno, the least we can do for Chenle since we didn’t even buy the album is to not listen to illegal uploads,” said Donghyuck, dryly.  
  
“You’re talking like you’ve never listened to Michael Jackson’s full album on YouTube. Don’t lie to me. I saw it,” Jaemin said.  
  
“Michael Jackson’s not Chenle. Besides, he’s dead anyway so it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t get the royalties.”  
  
“I can’t believe you just said that about the singer you claimed to idolize.”  
  
Donghyuck didn’t even look up from his phone. “It’s the truth.”  
  
With Jeno and Jaemin’s limited Chinese (no thanks to Renjun who offered no help) (no thanks to Donghyuck who never picked up the dictionary), they ended up downloading QQ Music and somehow managed to create an account to stream the songs. And they did stream the songs. Everyday.  
  
“If you play that song one more time,” Donghyuck warned when the same intro was beginning to fill the room.  
  
“I’m trying to be a supportive hyung, unlike you!” Jaemin retorted.  
  
“But you’re not being supportive to my emotional being! Did you know that Jeno played Chenle’s entire discography when we had sex last time? I can never look Chenle in the eye again.”  
  
Jaemin’s jaw dropped. “You had sex without me?”  
  
Donghyuck rolled his eyes. Trust Jaemin to get his priorities straight. “This is why I can’t have a conversation with you,” he murmured, grabbing his phone and headed to the room.  
  
“Wait! When? Why was I excluded from this? Why didn’t Jeno say anything? Was Renjun there? Answer me!”  
  
The door slammed loudly.  
  
  
  
  
3\. Mark’s car  
  
“At this point, I don’t even know if Mark is just dense or plain stupid,” Jaemin said as they bundled out of the room after getting Donghyuck’s text.  
  
Jeno blinked. “What’s the difference?”  
  
Jaemin didn’t answer. The loud honking would’ve cut him off anyway. They watched as a familiar car made a turn from a distance, picked up speed again before hitting the break and stopped precisely right in front of them while blinding them with the headlights in the process. Donghyuck rolled down the window and flashed a grin at them. “Hop in, losers.”  
  
“One day your terrible driving skills will have me killed and my life will be in vain,” Renjun said, but climbed in anyway. He claimed the shotgun while Jeno and Jaemin piled into the backseat.  
  
“To die at my hands will be an awfully big adventure.” Donghyuck winked. Renjun pretended not to see it and fastened the seat belt.  
  
“Isn’t this the third time this week alone? I don’t know why Mark hyung still trusts you with his keys,” Jeno said as he reached forward to change the radio with his uselessly long arm.  
  
“Mark hyung trusts me with his life,” Donghyuck replied smugly.  
  
“Where are we going?”  
  
“Donghyuck steals Mark’s car at least once a week and you still ask the same question every time,” said Jaemin.  
  
“That’s because none of us ever know where we’re going and end up at the dodgiest place every time,” Renjun shot back, at the same time as Donghyuck said: “It’s not stealing if I’m going to return it.”  
  
“We don’t always end up at the dodgiest place. Remember that time Donghyuck drove up some hill with a nice view of the city?”  
  
“How can I forget? Renjun gave me the best blow in my life,” Donghyuck reminisced, exchanging smirks with Renjun while linking their hands together.  
  
Jaemin was awfully quiet that they almost forgot that he was in the car at all until he finally spoke after a while. “I wasn’t there.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“That hill drive whatever. I wasn’t there,” he said. “What the fuck? This is not even the first time! Why am I always excluded?”  
  
Unfortunately for him, nobody had the answer.  
  
“Stop the car!” Jaemin howled. “Let me get out—wait, no no no no. Don’t stop the car! If I leave now you’re just gonna do it again without me, and I’m not gonna let that happen.”  
  
  
  
  
  
4\. Charm  
  
“It’s sweet that your mum thinks of us as her sons,” Renjun said.  
  
“You know that she thinks we’re just regular housemates, right?” Donghyuck quipped, snickering as he browsed the TV channels. “Why else would she ask for our love fortunes and even pray for our future relationship?”  
  
“I don’t know. Maybe she thinks that we can do better than dating her son.”  
  
Jeno threw them a glare. “Hey! My mother went all the way to visit a temple on a hill to pray for our well being and this is how you repay her?”  
  
Donghyuck was unaffected. “We never said anything bad about her. We only said that about you.”  
  
“Ungrateful bastards,” Jeno mumbled under his breath.  
  
“Can you imagine if she knows about us, though?” Jaemin asked, returning from the kitchen with sliced watermelon, also given by Jeno’s mum. “Jeno, her pride and joy, the filial son who’s never disappointed her in life, has not one, but three boyfriends. And all of them are living together with him.”  
  
Donghyuck started cackling so loud while Jeno turned red. “I would cry,” Renjun said solemnly.  
  
“She might actually cry out of gratitude because we’re all too good for her son,” Donghyuck added.  
  
“Can we stop talking about my mum now?” Jeno grumbled as he snatched the remote control from Donghyuck. “It might be funny to you, but it’s not funny to me.”  
  
“You’re no fun.”  
  
Renjun reached out to pat him on the shoulder. “It’s okay, Jeno. If one day she disowns you, we have a place just for you.”  
  
“Really?” Jeno asked, suddenly moved.  
  
Jaemin beamed at him. “Of course. But first we’ll just need to find out if these charms actually work.”  
  
  
  
  
  
5\. Yangyang(?)  
  
“I don’t understand why y’all always come to me whenever you fight,” he huffed, massaging his temple. “I don’t even get paid for this.”  
  
“Who else have we got? Chenle would just snicker at us. Jisung would probably just do the same. It’s awkward to ask Doyoung hyung, but he would just side with Jeno anyway. Sicheng hyung would side with Renjun. Hendery doesn’t give good advice ever. Mark’s advice is just as useless. Yukhei would just pat us on the back too hard with his giant hands. Jungwoo hyung would just tell us to kiss and make up and wiggle his brows at us.”  
  
“I appreciate knowing that I’m your first choice. Wow. Thanks a lot,” Yangyang replied. “Why didn’t you ask Dejun?”  
  
Donghyuck shook his head. “We did once, but he’s just too philosophical. We stopped listening after five minutes.”  
  
“Kun?”  
  
“Too old,” the four of them answered at the same time. They looked at each other, then looked away.  
  
“Anyways, our point is that you’re the perfect person for this role,” Jeno concluded.  
  
Renjun nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you’re not biased to either of us and you give the fairest opinion.”  
  
Crossing his arms across his chest, Yangyang sat back and grinned at them. “Tell me more.”  
  
“You’re the wisest, smartest, cleverest, most intelligent, most talented…” said Donghyuck sweetly.  
  
“The coolest, funniest, awesomest, brightest, bestest,” Jaemin went on.  
  
“Unrivalled─”  
  
“Actually the worst of all,” Renjun deadpanned, his chair screeching against the linoleum floor as he got up. “Never mind, we’ll just ask Ten hyung.”  
  
“Yeah, it was getting too much for my pride anyway,” Donghyuck spat with a drastic change in his tone.  
  
“Hey!” Yangyang shouted as all of them stalked out of the cafe. “You’re gonna come to me again in two days and I’m gonna ignore you! And you’re gonna regret walking out on me now!”  
  
None of them looked back.  



End file.
